BEB: Erasure

by Sienna Brancato

you erase me with art
black and white photos of
bridges and subway stations
vehicles of escape
and i'm a ghost in other men's beds
barely there
hands soft across my back
traveling up my spine
touched gently enough to tear
then gone before eyes open on the day,
before windows hug light into the room
—i yank the blinds open out of spite
and inexplicable anger
because he's not you
he doesn't crush and bruise me
like you did
and i think that's a good thing
so why am I still hollow
ghost girl?
I disappear
but you stay with me
won't let me avoid you
in the guilty dreams
the surprise encounter dreams
the reckless dreams
the 'i miss this' dreams
and it's my fault
but it's not my fault
you know?
you: emotional manipulation
and i: dangerous self-sacrifice
you: i can't love you right now, but you can't leave me
i: [breathing, breaking, braking]
the lost text messages
the self-imposed digital wall
protection from i-don't-know-what exactly

i throw every guard up against you,
so much of my mind sacrifices itself to your memories
and still,
i can't shake you

i wonder why

Bossier Mag